Recently I was asked to take down one of my most prized pieces of writing, My Failure. It exposed a whole new side of me, and dove into some personal aspects of my life. I laid it all out there, a public journal entry if you will that sparked friends to call or text me to comment on how organic and raw the post was. It was met with some backlash… but I digress.
Needless to say, I caved and took down the post, only to put it back up a few weeks later. Reason being? It was chewing away at me that I so easily caved to someone that is no longer a part of my life. My decisions that I’ve been making for nearly the past year now have been 100% mine and have not had any influence from any other being other than myself. Writing My Failure was also a monumental way for me to cope regarding the break up. Something I had been so heavily invested in, gone and ripped away from me. But that post, this blog, and my friends, have been the ultimate way of getting back on my feet.
I think respect between two people when they go their separate ways is paramount. But trying to control someone when you no longer talk is disgusting. Its the ultimate sign of disrespect. To think I caved to someone’s request so they can continue to pretend I no longer exist was sickening to me, and I needed to realize that I am 100% my own man and person, and as hard as it may be can say no to people.
I never wrote My Failure to paint anyone in a negative light, rather expose a side of myself as a way of putting it all out there and using it as a release to begin coping with what was years of investment in something. People are entitled to their opinion of not only me writing something so personal but also entitled to their opinion of how they view me from here on out and I’m totally ok with that. They’re allowed to judge and think what they may, simply because I do not give a damn. And that has been a huge reason why My Failure is back on this blog even it may fetch only one view for the rest of eternity.
That post was a deep part of me, full of raw emotion that I put on public display without care because of how much I was hurting. I thought taking it down made sense, and it was not a big deal, but it bothered me so much the days after I removed it. Putting it back on the blog has brought me a wave of relief and restored a sense of pride in myself and my ability to shamelessly share my emotions to anyone and everyone. That aspect of me is who I am. I don’t beat around the bush, and that includes all the negative emotions. I need to share them; it is who I am. At this point, I can now say I really am moving forward.