The Fleeting Feeling of Autumn; a Moment of Self-Reflection

As November rolls around, my mind tends to get a bit cloudy. Whether or not it’s the weather, or just the extreme change in my lifestyle as my business starts to quiet down, there’s a palpable difference in my persona. I often feel guilty when I hide away from the people I love most. This isn’t an easy emotion to process, but I think it’s a valid one that is very much worth talking about.

Autumn has always been my favorite season. I despise the heat that the summer brings more than just about anything. I cannot stand the ocean (and usually the people that tend to occupy it) during the long, scorching months of June, July, and August. When I decide to venture that way with friends or family, I tend to retreat into my shell, as do my words (which is quite surprising, as I usually will talk a person’s ear off with no second thoughts about it).

But when September rolls around, I start to thrive. For two and a half months, right up until about the middle of November, I feel so connected with life and my surroundings. I find myself taking multiple walks per day, bringing my camera everywhere I venture in hopes of capturing the fleeting moments of beauty that the northeast has to offer. The extravagant foliage, the clean crisp air, the wonderful sunsets; everything just feels like it’s in the right place. However, that feeling is as fleeting as the foliage is.

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I tend to think of myself as a very positive person. I love meeting new people, hearing about their stories, and encouraging the people around me to be the best version of themselves. That being said, the things I love most about myself tend to fade away and retreat from my external expressions as the weather gets colder. I find myself in my room, listening to melancholic music, and indulging in a bowl or two to keep my mind at ease (hey, it’s going to be legal in exactly a month from now in Massachusetts, and I have nothing to hide). It’s not that I don’t enjoy the time to myself. In all honesty, I do. There are few things I enjoy more than sitting down, spinning records, and letting my brain wander wherever it chooses. I think it’s more the deviation of the status quo that tends to disrupt my emotional state, and the more I discuss this with friends and family, the more I realize this isn’t an alien concept. The more I hear about how friends of mine tend to put on a facade while they experience similar emotions, the more I understand and accept the changes my own mind tends to take during this time of the year.

This is for those of us who hide away during the holidays where cheer is jammed down our throats. Let’s hide away when our minds tell us we need a break. Let’s be ourselves in the truest sense, even if we think it’s not good for us. The truth of the matter is this: we need our time to decompress and unwind. Take that time, and do you.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Juliett November says:

    This is beautiful and so true.
    This happens to me from fall to winter as well.
    And I absolutely love how you’ve expressed every bit of what it feels like.

    Like

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